just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
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Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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