You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
