need another drink. this is the easiest way
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
