I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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