sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
