theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
