Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
