Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
