i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
