I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
