after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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