So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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