Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
