Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
