I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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