I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Barsexuality is the new black.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
