I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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