I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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