ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
