Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
