Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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