her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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