weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
