Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
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Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
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I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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