I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
