I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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