We're like a lot better than the average bears
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
