so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am mentally ready for anal.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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