Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
