i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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