All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize