you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
