he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
