And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
