I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
