you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
