Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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