Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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