She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
