you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
