That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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