he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
