I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
