She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I intend to get homeless drunk
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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