she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
