Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
