I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
