I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
