what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
