just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
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You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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