i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
