Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
and she was petting her beer can
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
