so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
