Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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