If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
