My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
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WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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