So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
