be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
