I got chris browned last night
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
