I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
