enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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